In the national elections yesterday, Japanese voters across the country dragged themselves to polling stations and sighed heavily as they halfheartedly placed votes for whichever candidate they believed would be the least catastrophic. As predicted, the melancholic masses reluctantly conceded this person is Shinzo Abe, a man whose approval rating was below 30% the last time he held the position.
Next week’s election for Governor of Tokyo includes a rock star, a man who dresses as Superman during debates, and the second incarnation of Jesus, who often demands his opponents slit their bellies before he casts them into the fires of hell. Let’s take a closer look at Tokyo’s possible new leaders.
Despite the restrictions placed on politicians using Twitter during elections, Osaka mayor Toru Hashimoto used the platform to voice his frustration on Wednesday, declaring the practice absurd and possibly setting in motion the chain of events that will cause our plane of reality to implode on December 21st, as predicted by the Mayans.